Differences between the sexes part one of many

There is much to read and find about the differences between men and women. For sure this plays a very important role in how partners build a flourishing relationship that works for both. But you don’t need to know all there is to know to have the right attitude towards these differences.

Disclaimer

I'll start this blog with a disclaimer. We all have a mix of masculine and feminine qualities. There's no such thing as the typical man or woman. However, there are certain traits that are generally only seen in women and vice versa in men. These traits have a significant impact on our behavior, and when we look at them through our own perspective, we not only draw incorrect conclusions but also miss how we can support each other. The first one to mention here is how we're "wired," or how our minds work. There's so much to say about it, but in this blog, I'll limit myself to two aspects.

Light Bulb vs. Flashlight...

We differ in the way we perceive our surroundings. Women have a diffuse perception, while men have a strongly focused one. Women perceive their environment in all directions, taking in as many details as possible. Men, on the other hand, only perceive a part of their environment but do so with a strong focus. Think of it as a light bulb shining in all directions versus a flashlight that illuminates only a limited area but highlights it more intensely.

Therefore, women often remember many details of a particular event or where they have been, while a man may not have even noticed, let alone remembered. His mind is not trained to remember all those details. When girlfriends can tell each other extensive stories with all sorts of details - and remember them - most men tune out if the story gets too detailed. If it's a big word dump, he will consciously or unconsciously try to guess what the most important pieces are to remember and shut down the rest because otherwise, he becomes overwhelmed. This can easily be misconstrued as disinterest.

Knowing this, they can help each other. It helps if she tells him a story that is important to her, considering that he can't remember everything. Or she limits the details and focuses more on the main points, or she indicates which parts are important. He can also ask her, if the story becomes too detailed, which things are important for her to remember. See his question as an act of love and involvement rather than as something negative.

How Safe Do I Feel...

It's something that many men can't imagine simply because they experience it much less frequently. Ask a room full of men who have felt unsafe in any situation in the past six months, and maybe a quarter of them will raise their hand. Ask the same question for the past month, and only a small group will raise their hand, and most likely, no one in the past week. Pose the same question to a room of women, and the picture will be completely different, with many raising their hand for the past week.

Focus on their personal safety is a daily ritual for many women. When they are on the move, they consciously or unconsciously scan their surroundings almost continuously for potentially unsafe situations. Their diffuse perception, which I mentioned earlier, helps them with this. This also means that they more often have an experience of feeling unsafe and therefore are keen to avoid unsafe situations. Often, these situations involve men.

If a man raises his voice or somehow conveys a negative attitude, it's important for him to realize that this has a much stronger impact on his partner than if the situation were reversed. Her reflex will be to avoid him. He becomes unsafe to her. Fortunately, for most men, the last thing they would want is for their loved one to feel unsafe in the relationship. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with this. Discuss it with each other if it happens. Awareness often goes a long way on both sides.

Want to Know More?

There is still so much more to discover about each other's differences. It's not only fun to dive into these differences, but it will also bring mutual understanding and help in your communication. I still find Alison Armstrong the best in this area. From a woman's perspective, she explains the differences very well. Another well-known author is John Gray, the writer of the Mars and Venus books. In his books, he provides tips on how to incorporate these differences into the way you communicate with your partner.

All these things are incorporated into our online training.

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