Discover your Love Language

Discover your partner's love language in addition to your own and learn how you can use it today to upgrade your communication instantly.

"We tend to speak our own love language, to express love to others in a language that would make us feel loved. But if it is not their primary love language, it will not mean to them what it would mean to us." – Gary Chapman

What are Love Languages?

Your love language is the way you show your love to someone. According to Gary Chapman, there are five distinct ways. These are: affirming words, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and receiving gifts. I'll provide a few examples of each, but it's recommended to read his book or look for more information online. There's plenty of resources available, and it will greatly help you gain insight into your own love language and that of your partner.

· If you value hearing your partner say, "I love you" regularly or compliments like "You look great today," then your love language may be affirming words.

· If you love a spontaneous kiss on the head or enjoy physical touch as you pass by, chances are physical touch is your language.

· If you find it important to do something for your loved one to relieve them of burdens, such as taking care of the kids for a day or cleaning the toilet because your partner dislikes it, then acts of service may be your language.

· Or maybe you melt when you see an unexpected bouquet of flowers on the table or find a small gift under your pillow; in that case, your love language is likely giving and receiving gifts.

· If all these examples are less important to you but spending time together, focusing solely on each other, makes you happy, then quality time and attention are probably your love language. Doing fun things together or having deep conversations likely falls under this category.

How do Love Languages Help in a Relationship?

When your partner does something that aligns with your love language, you feel loved. It touches you, or at the very least, it feels nice. The same applies in reverse! To understand how important this is, think of your relationship as a plant that requires care. Even though it might survive and grow a bit with just water (all the love languages that are not crucial), without fertilizer (Pokon), it will eventually lack essential nutrients and become weaker. Doing something for each other in the other's love language is the fertilizer for your relationship. All other things are like water, not as potent, and Pokon is truly necessary in the long run. Keep in mind that it's your habit to express yourself in your own love language to your partner. It's only Pokon if it's the same love language; otherwise, it's just water. The likelihood of your love languages being different is higher than them being the same.

How Can I Determine My Love Language?

You might already have an idea of your love language based on the descriptions above. Nevertheless, it's fun to confirm it through a questionnaire. You can find various tests online, including on lovelanguages.com. You might be drawn to one or a few others, but there's one that truly stands out for you, and that's your primary love language. Don't fall into the trap of assuming you know your partner's love language. Let them take the test too, and you may discover new things about each other.

Do You Need to Speak the Same Language to Succeed Together?

No, of course not. In fact, it's a "blessing in disguise"! Having a different love language than your partner necessitates that you step into their world and are willing to give to make your loved one feel that the relationship is alive and that you're building it together! One of the characteristics of couples with a high level of fulfillment of the seven relationship needs is that they have a conscious focus on the other without losing themselves in it. Moreover, your partner will see it as an extra act of love when they know and can see that you're making an effort to speak their language. Extra bonus points!

Speaking Each Other’s Language is a Gift of Connection

It leads to a sense of appreciation that precedes connection. Connection occurs because your love language actions fulfill multiple relationship needs for your partner. By zooming in on what touches your partner, they feel supported and accepted for who they are. These are the bottom two relationship needs (also see my blog on this), which support the other five. But at the same time, you effortlessly fulfill the needs for attention and appreciation in the relationship. When these four relationship needs are met, connectedness naturally emerges.

What If we Speak Different Love Languages?

If this thought is in your beliefs, feel free to erase it. Fortunately, it's absolute nonsense. All you need to do is consciously practice it—a way to make it a habit (perhaps even daily). You'll notice that it doesn't take much effort, and the pleasure and appreciation from your partner are excellent motivations to keep it up. Ask if you're on the right track or if there's room for improvement. Become the champion of your relationship!

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