Four Common Problems that Influence Our Sex Life

In this post we discuss four of the most common problems that influence our sex life. Of course we also provide answers how to deal with them.


The Love Balloon

11/16/20234 min read

The Four Most Common Problems in Our Sex Life (with Solutions)

Eventually in a relationship our sex life tends to decline. Wondering why? Read about the four main problems in your sex life and their solutions, because desire doesn't always come naturally.

Sex Life Decline Is Inevitable

Chances are, you're dealing with one or more of the four sex life problems we mention in this blog. This is partly due to most of us being stimulation-oriented, meaning we need to feel excitement before engaging in sex. I'll delve into that further, shortly. For now, I can tell you that, fortunately, these sex life problems can all be overcome. But let me start by saying that there's no one-size-fits-all formula for a good sex life. It's entirely up to you. That applies to both quantity and quality. Don't let the outside world dictate what's normal. As long as both of you are satisfied while being respectful, then that's the norm. The problem occurs when we are not satisfied anymore and have stopped doing something about it.

Problem 1: The Busyness of Everyday Life

This needs no explanation and includes one's children. But the essence is that sometimes we've filled our days so much that there's no room left for each other. "We're just happy to have everything complete and organized!" is a phrase we often hear, and fortunately, it can always be countered. If you're skilled at keeping such a full schedule, then you're capable of giving your relationship the attention it deserves. Over time, we make choices at the expense of our (intimate) time together, thinking we can get away with it. It's time to reclaim it! Dare to prioritize together which part of the week is less important than your time together? And then make adjustments.

Problem 2: He Doesn't Make It a Complete Experience for Her

If a woman has sex without feeling connection and love, the sexual encounter may be enjoyable, but it's no more than that in her perception. If this happens every time, she's likely to associate sex with an incomplete experience, which makes her less and less interested. It starts to bother her more and more, leading to her avoiding sex and excuses becoming a pattern. On the other hand, if she is in touch with loving feelings for her partner before engaging in sex, the sense of connection and love lingers for a long time, and it becomes a strong building block for the relationship. This is why destressing is important, as well as feeling valued and loved by her partner. When these conditions are met, desire is close at hand, and enjoyable sex is just a small step away. Do you recognize this? Talk about it and express what you need to rekindle your desire. The effect will be significant.

Problem 3: Total Predictability

When and in what aspect predictability becomes an issue varies from person to person. It could be the timing of your sexual encounters, the location, duration, specific actions or their sequence, the ambiance, and so on. Complete predictability leads to boredom. Fortunately, breaking predictability is straightforward. Get playful and adventurous again. Discuss it with each other and respect each other's boundaries. You'll find that breaking the monotony even once works immediately!

Problem 4: Each Partner’s Sexual Excitement Occurs at Different Moments

This challenge requires more explanation than we have space for right now. The danger is that you might not fully grasp the essence and the value of the solution. I'll try to explain it because almost everyone eventually deals with this issue.

This happens because most of us want to feel excitement before engaging in sex. I'll tell you right away that there's a beautiful way out of this problem. We've helped countless couples return to satisfying sexual intimacy who got stuck here.

First, let me explain why being out of sync with the timing of each other's sexual excitement is a problem. In the early stages of a relationship, the moments when both people feel excitement are almost in sync or easily invoked, making them align. We have a lot of sex, and we have a lot of desire for each other. But as time goes on, there are more and more instances when that's not the case. This is a part of life and impossible to synchronize. The result is that one of you gets rejected, and you can count on it—the other will too at some point. Initially, it's usually not a problem, until it happens more frequently, and we start to find it annoying, even painful. How do we deal with it? By suppressing the moments when we feel excitement to avoid rejection. This seems like a clever strategy, but it's the opposite. We train ourselves to temper our desire for each other, and eventually, even to suppress it. We despair that our sex life means nothing because we no longer feel excitement. The vicious circle is born.

The Transition from Waiting for a Spark to Celebrating Your Relationship

The solution lies in a very different place than you may think. Namely, we need to shift away from excitement as the trigger for having sex with each other. When we realize how important sexual intimacy is—in a form and quantity that suits both of you—it makes sense to reserve time for it consciously. Yes, you read that right. Reserving sometimes means planning it in your busy week: When will we celebrate our relationship in the most intense way we know? If you then turn it into a complete experience together, it fulfills all seven relationship needs for both of you at that moment and continues to linger between you for days. It's one of the most powerful boosts for your Relationship Balloon.

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