Full acceptance creates depth!

Fully accepting yourself and your partner deepens the relationship!

When two lovers in crisis rediscover the path back to each other, they experience, to their surprise and gratitude, that the keys are not with the other person but within themselves... and that this is a fundamental law of love that breaks through powerlessness.

Disclaimer: This is not a way to sweep important issues under the rug. Matters that score poorly on the Relationship Needs are essential to resolve. This blog is about the mainstream. Let's say the majority of couples who, if you were to ask them, are "pretty okay" with each other. Who are somewhere around the sufficient to reasonably content. Meanwhile, we have a hidden image of our beloved that is usually colored by an accumulated image of the "ideal partner" over time.

Why fully accept? My partner is okay, but not exactly the ideal dream...

Recognizable? Then this blog is definitely written for you :-) and for many others. Or maybe you identify more with the category: "I fully accept my partner!" - while there are a few things you'd like to change about your loved one. How honest are you willing to be? Often, there's a perfection lens in the background that gets in the way. The hidden picture of the ideal partner. Why might that be a problem, you might think? What's wrong with having a list of ideal qualities a partner should possess? ... Almost nothing when you're in the phase of looking for a partner. But everything (!) when you've chosen to commit to each other. Nobody can compete with a perfect image. Not even yourself. A negative judgment about something that happens is always lurking.

Less than full is the same as not...

Anything less than full acceptance is the same as non-acceptance. Let that last sentence sink in. If you accept your partner less than fully, you're keeping a crack of disapproval open. It's very subtle but highly effective in slowly building up negative points and experiences. Research has shown that you need to put five times more positive things against a negative action to compensate. That's how we, as humans, are wired. I reiterate that it doesn't mean you shouldn't work on growth together and discuss issues that elevate the seven Relationship Needs to a higher level. You just don't attach those issues to your partner as a person.

How important is it to fully accept your partner?

Part of that is evident from the above. But I'll further illustrate it using the seven Relationship Needs. If you haven't read the blog(s) on that topic, I strongly recommend doing so. The seven Relationship Needs have a hierarchy. That means when certain needs aren't at least sufficiently fulfilled, filling others doesn't make much sense or have lasting value. The need for acceptance is second (!) in the pyramid and contributes five of the seven.

Just imagine, how much desire would you have to have a pleasant conversation or have fun with your partner if he or she has done or said something that makes you feel like your opinion doesn't matter or even belittles you? It's not about that one time this happens. When it happens more often, it's necessary to address it so you can feel accepted again and then cleanse by forgiving each other. It ensures that you can easily remain in full acceptance afterward.

How do you fully accept your partner?

By deciding today that your partner is the one among all men/women with whom you want a relationship. ... By deciding that there is no ideal partner and that everyone has to learn how to bring a relationship to a nice level. By deciding that your partner can make mistakes (just like you) and that this doesn't say anything about how well you fit together. By deciding to forgive each other when mistakes are made. By deciding that everything your partner does comes from genuine intent, just as it does for you. By deciding that your partner, like you, can grow at their own pace. By regularly deciding all of this again as soon as you think differently. I think you're starting to understand.

So, aren't you working on growth anymore?

Of course you are! That has nothing to do with it. Note that I'm not talking about "improvement" but about growth? Language subtly affects us. It either hinders us from getting where we want to go or supports us in getting more of the good. Growth is a neutral word, and looking with a growth mindset toward a higher level of the seven Relationship Needs maintains the upward path with a grateful and positive perspective. And gratitude is a powerful antidote to perfection while nurturing acceptance of the other.

Throw away that perfection lens!!

So, don't just take it off... throw it far away! Perfection is "slow-acting poison" in every area of your life. Love all your qualities and everything you bring to this life. If you feel resistance to that idea... and various thoughts arise that go against it, which you take as true? Then carry this wisdom with you: work on it! It will free you from a straitjacket that restricts your joy in life. And once it works for yourself, give yourself and each other the gift of doing it for your partner too.

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