A Satisfying Sex life Nourishes all Relationship Needs

A satisfying sex life often takes a hit in our busy lives

Many can relate to that. Giving it the attention it deserves is a crucial part of the road back. Don't take it lightly. Of course, if it's temporarily on a "pilot light" due to urgent circumstances, there's no problem. But it often lasts longer than expected, and before you know it, the pilot light gets smaller and smaller. What will help is if you adopt the perspective that there are no circumstances that hinder a satisfying sex life. Only then will you start looking for solutions. No matter how busy your schedules are, I've never encountered a situation where it couldn't be revived if both partners are committed to it.

And then there are misconceptions

We inherit these from our upbringing, wrong or unpleasant experiences from the past, or well-intentioned but misguided advice from the world around us. I come across many of them in practice. Like the idea that both partners must have 100% desire to engage in sex. Or that sex should happen effortlessly and there's nothing to learn about your own body and that of your partner. Or that an orgasm is the most important goal and without it, it's incomplete. Or that men always want sex. Or that sex should always be spontaneous and cannot be planned. These misconceptions lead us astray in how we perceive situations. Fortunately, they're not true. Let me not forget to mention a misconception with a significant impact: the belief that men and women are the same.

If you think men and women are the same, this is your wake-up call

The differences are fundamental. One key difference is that for a woman to engage in satisfying sex, she needs to feel connected to her partner. If she has sex without feeling connection and love, it's pleasurable but no more than that in her perception. It remains incomplete and emotionally unsatisfying, even if she's physically satisfied. On the other hand, when there are loving feelings, the sense of connection and the feeling of being loved remain long after the sexual encounter. Sex becomes a strong glue for the relationship. For most men, sex is the primary way to experience a deep connection with their partner. This makes it an intense and essential experience for them. It powerfully fulfills the needs for acceptance, attention, appreciation, connection, variety, pleasure, and, not to forget, desire—six out of seven basic relationship needs. Unlike women, a man needs sex to maintain his sense of connection with his partner.

Mix Sherlock Holmes with Dr. Ruth

For both partners, the importance of sex is significant but different. Keeping this in mind, the next logical step is to discuss it with each other. Maybe you think you don't need to if you've known each other for years? Well, that's not true. Sit down and genuinely ask each other what it takes to desire a sexual encounter or, if that's okay, what it takes to make it better? I dare to say that the majority of men (unfortunately) have never been properly educated on how to make their partner truly desire sex. Their reference point is often the internet and pornography. What's important for her is to be able to let go of the day's busyness, transition from her mind to her body, and experience that her feminine side is stimulated. Most men are unaware of these needs and can't even imagine what they entail. It's partly not their fault. You have an educational task here. Because what stimulates her feminine side varies greatly. It could be loving attention, a (genuine) romantic atmosphere, a small gesture, a wine night with care, physical contact, or a joint bath, among many other things. By giving her undivided attention, you make her feel cherished, cared for, respected, and special, allowing her to relax and enjoy the attention. Then the step to loving sex with a connection is small, and it becomes a complete and affectionate experience. Sound familiar?

Oh yes... predictability is another sex life killer

Often, complete predictability in terms of timing, location, what happens, and how it happens is a killer for your sex life. Variety quickly becomes stimulating and exciting. You can, for instance, take turns coming up with something that the other person must say yes to. There are plenty of fun and interesting ideas on the internet. And if it's necessary to ensure that the children are out of the house... make it happen!

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