Why heartfelt commitment is crucial for depth

If you are only partly committed, its the same as not being committed. Read why this is the case and why and how you can change this.


The Love Balloon

10/16/20234 min read

assorted locked padlocks
assorted locked padlocks

Commitment to the relationship is a prerequisite for experiencing depth.

Many have their heart locked in protection mode

For many, there's an (invisible) sign in front of their hearts that says, "Unauthorized Personnel Prohibited." Not everyone allows themselves to automatically move on to the next phase of deepening their relationship after finding a partner. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we realize that there's a chance it might not work out to build a happy relationship, and this could bring disappointment and pain at that moment. So, even though you may be happy and optimistic, you're still holding back, keeping a distance. It's as if you're protecting yourself, not fully opening up. Often, this is due to negative experiences in the past. We may say that we really want to commit to the other person, but we don't feel it on a deeper level. Perhaps you've felt that way too? In that case, no matter how hard your partner tries to keep the relationship healthy and vibrant, those constructive actions won't have a lasting effect on you. As a result, the relationship will eventually wither away. As long as you don't remove the "no entry" sign, this pattern will repeat in a new relationship. So, if you truly want to give your current relationship a chance, open up. It starts with a decision to genuinely commit to the other person. A decision that is not just in your head but is heartfelt on a deeper level. It's the prerequisite for building a strong connection that can withstand challenges.

Change how you look at commitment

What helps is changing how you view commitment. You might associate commitment with the obligation to stay together for a very long time. This can make it feel limiting and suffocating. Or maybe you're afraid of having to give things up or have been convinced by past experiences that a relationship is a straitjacket in which you can't be fully yourself. In all these cases, it's logical that you feel apprehensive about truly embracing commitment. But know that not changing this is not an option. It's time to reset yourself. I'll explain how to do that in a moment. For now, it helps not to attach a time frame to it because it's about something else as long as you're together.

Building a relationship is a unique process where both of your vulnerabilities are inevitably linked to depth. You'll get to know each other better and see all sides of each other. These are the sides you keep hidden from the outside world, and few others know them. Things like passions, fears, frustrations, failures, dreams, beliefs, feelings, habits, inner struggles, and much more. It takes courage to say "yes" to these and open your heart to someone else, especially if you don't know each other very well. It makes you vulnerable in a way that deeply affects your life. How likely do you think someone will embrace this with dedication if they can't trust that their vulnerability will be handled carefully and respectfully? Even if the relationship were to end at some point, you can agree to keep each other's secrets and look back on your time together with gratitude and respect.

TIP – Examine the limitations you associate with a relationship and discuss them with your partner. This clears up misunderstandings and provides clarity about your expectations. Often, a good conversation creates space to fully commit to the relationship.

A better definition of commitment

A better definition of commitment Commitment should embody a promise of safety and respect. Experiencing beautiful things in a relationship can only happen in a safe environment where you can be vulnerable. Therefore, a promise to offer each other safety and respect and to put effort into the relationship is important. What exactly these promises mean should be explored. But what's certain is that the promise includes keeping your secrets safe and not using anything your partner knows about you against you.

It's often women who intuitively sense that commitment is important for the relationship. They long to feel the safety that allows their vulnerability to flourish. Sometimes, they may insist on their partner committing, but unfortunately, that's not how it works. When commitment is framed as a demand, the other person experiences it as pressure, which has the opposite effect of what was intended. Commitment can only be given voluntarily. Of course, you can ask for it, but everything agreed upon between partners should happen willingly for love to flourish.

What's needed is a deep-felt and explicit choice to genuinely commit to each other. I don't mean that you have to choose to stay together forever right now, but you need to be 100% behind your relationship. Expressing this to each other and genuinely feeling it will make the "no entry" sign disappear from each other's hearts.

It works to reiterate commitment after a period of distance.

"And then life happens"... Everyday life naturally brings challenges that affect the height of the Relationship Balloon. Hassles, time-consuming activities, misunderstandings, children, work stress, forgotten anniversaries... in short, ups and downs follow one another. And most of the time, it doesn't mean much. Until it slowly feels like there's growing distance. This is the moment when you're starting to close your heart a little, and it's essential to correct this together and consciously restate a deeply felt commitment to each other. Watch what happens...