Six hoaxes in relationships you have to stop believing

#1-With the right partner, the relationship naturally unfolds.

#2-Once it goes wrong, you might think it’s irreparable.

#3-Infatuation is the best gauge of the right partner.

#4-In an ideal relationship, problems don’t appear.

#5-We don't need to learn anything about relationships.

#6-My personality limits me!

Misunderstandings about relationships get in the way of our happiness.

We gather these misunderstandings throughout our lives, whether it's through our own experiences, the idealized images presented by films and media, or indirectly through the experiences of others. It doesn't matter how they ended up in our belief jar; they're there. I'll address just a few of them in this blog to make you aware of them. There are many more than you might think. When couples make the journey back to each other, these beliefs naturally get cleared away. Because if you hold onto them, they taint the image you have of the relationship and your partner negatively, even though it's simply not accurate. You stored a piece of advice to yourself on your hard drive and now treat it as an always-valid law. Then you get stuck in your reactions.

#1-With the right partner, the relationship naturally unfolds.

Our quest for the ideal partner – or the desire for it when we're in a relationship – makes losers out of everyone sooner or later. Because relationships by definition don't just happen naturally (read the post why we all have to learn), this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When things get less exciting – and that happens in every relationship – you eventually conclude on your own that your partner must not be the right one. How could it have been so much fun in the beginning and now so little connection, passion, enjoyment, sex, attention for each other, etc.? It can easily be regained, provided both of you are willing to work on it. If one of you is stuck in this belief, then you understand why that person no longer sees any hope. And then you end up facing the same problems in your next relationship. The good news is that if you consciously choose each other, you can elevate the relationship with this partner to great heights again. Pretty amazing, right?

#2-Once it goes wrong, you might think it’s irreparable.

It should be clear from the testimonials that fortunately, this is not true. Provided that both of you are still willing to work on it AND both of you are open to learning about yourselves, there is almost always a way back. However, if there are issues such as addiction, abuse, or personality disorders, those need to be addressed first before the path upward can be found again through training.

#3-Infatuation is the best gauge of the right partner.

If you still have this belief in your belief jar, you're in big trouble... unless you decide to throw it overboard today, of course. There's nothing wrong with infatuation if it's there. There's also nothing wrong with it if it's not. It's only when you start using it as a yardstick that I can predict every relationship will fail because the initial infatuation naturally fades after some time. If you replace it with a deep sense of love, you'll come to understand that infatuation has nothing to do with love. And that's what makes it so beautiful.

#4-In an ideal relationship, problems don’t appear.

Hold on to your hats for this shocker: ... by definition, every relationship will have problems! If there aren't any, you don't have a relationship... Read that last sentence again. Why? Because it's impossible for two people to have exactly the same patterns, habits, beliefs, experiences, desires, dreams, and so on. Frictions arise when your compasses momentarily don't align. And by the way, in the entirely theoretical case that all these factors were indeed the same, you would still have moments of friction because the timing of wishes and needs can never sync up. In short, the question is not whether problems arise; it's the question of what meaning you attach to them AND whether you've developed the skill to handle them in a way that builds up your relationship rather than tearing it down.

#5-We don't need to learn anything about relationships.

This may sound like the idea that everything should happen naturally with the ideal partner, but it's about the fundamental misunderstanding and attitude that there's nothing to learn in the realm of relationships. Toss that incorrect conclusion far away because experiences, good programs and training, and science have shown that you DO need to learn. That's precisely why our program was developed, to allow you to experience, in a playful manner, that there's a lot to learn in this area. Of course, not everyone has the same things to learn, but some things are so essential that it's bizarre we haven't included them in our school lessons. Read the blogs on "why we struggle," and it will become even clearer to you.

#6-My personality limits me!

Fortunately for all of us, this isn't true. You are not your behavior; you engage in behavior. Even deeply ingrained patterns can be changed if you genuinely want to change them. What exactly it takes to successfully and sustainably incorporate different behavior into your life varies from person to person, but becoming aware of how patterns and habits influence your life and how to successfully break them is another life lesson we all need to learn. This falls under the experienced level."

There is so much more to learn! And it's FUN to learn. Visit our online trainings.